Allen Knows All
by xChaiChanx
Summary: Kanda has a secret that Allen knows all about. Warning inside, but I would advise you just skip over this story and move on with your life. Also, lots of Lenalee, Link and Chaoji bashing, and strange implications in Kandas general direction


**Warning: This doesn't make sense.**

**At all.**

**The only way it could make at least a sliver of sense is if you have seen Le Chevalier D'eon or if you are Fizzy or Zaky. **

**Hell idk if they're even in character or not this is another request by my friend but I am so tired it seriously just kinda wrote itself but considering I'm one of the biggest space cases ever it probably ended up total crap. Same as before I've seen like 4 episodes I'm just going off rants and raves of my friends for character basings. **

**Don't read, seriously its such a monumental waste of your time. **

* * *

Allen stared accusingly at Kanda who's mouth was open and his eyes were wide. The other exorcists were staring between them as Allen continued to glare at the effeminate man.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about!" Kanda shouted quickly. Allen suddenly focused his attention on Link, the son of a bitch, and gestured him to come forward.

"Kanda…" Allen began and Kanda began to look around the room for an escape.

"Is this… or is this not…" Allen said placing a hand on Link's, the son of a bitch's, shoulder to confirm he was indeed talking about him. "Your lover?"

Kanda nearly died.

_How the hell did he find out about that night?!_

"I-I already told you… I don't know what you're talking about!" By now all the exorcists were staring at Kanda in total disbelief, their eyes wide and incomprehensive. Link was looking around the room nervously twiddling his fingers.

"And one more thing."

"You little…"

"Did you or did you not have a child with this thing?" Allen asked, his grip tightening on Link's, the son of a bitch's, shoulder causing him to squeal a little bit. Kanda's eye twitched.

"K-Kanda… did you really…?" Lavi began.

"I-I WAS DRUNK OK?! I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING DRASTIC WOULD HAPPEN!! IT WAS PERFECTLY FINE TIL YOU CAME IN HERE, MOYASHI! HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND OUT?!"

"I have my sources." Allen said simply. He finally released Link who went running to Kanda and wrapping his arms around him crying while Kanda continued to look shocked and disgusted a pushed the thing off of him.

"I told you, dumbass that was a one night thing only! I'm not Lenalee! I don't go selling myself all over town every other night! Go bare her child!" Link felt tears form in his/her/its eyes and ran out of the room with Kanda looking frustrated.

Lenalee looked nervously at the door where Link had just exited and opened her mouth to say something.

"Ah, you have something to say, bitch?" Allen asked seemingly indifferent but she quickly shut her mouth.

"Why are you being so difficult about this anyway, moyashi?! It has nothing to do with you!" Allen shot a glare back at Kanda.

"Do you know what you did to that poor abandoned child?! Because of you two your child can't even determine their own gender! They get sick pleasures from dead bodies, they cross-dress far too much and they spend their entire nights with hos!"

"Oh so they've met Lenalee!" A random person no one really cares about added.

"How could you do that to your very own child?!" Allen screamed at Kanda. "You scarred him in the absolutely wrong way! He can't even get fangirls!" Kanda looked down at the floor in complete shame.

"Maybe I should have Link take him back…"

"It was a him?" Allen asked looking back at his folder of evidence. "Huh…"

Suddenly the doors burst open and Chaoji stepped through the door. Everyone screamed and ran in terror.

"ME HUNGRY!" Chaoji, the fat-ass, screamed at the top of his lungs. He quickly threw a sharpened metal pole through Lenalee and carried her away.

That was the end of that, until they heard a great big boom. Then they had realized Chaoji had exploded from eating too much. Oh well.

Allen turned his attention back to Kanda.

"You know, everyone has skeletons in their closet! How do I know you haven't committed so horrible acts of crime!" Kanda shouted.

"Because I'm perfect!" Allen retorted and suddenly, out of nowhere, cat ears and a cat tail grew themselves on Allen's body. He crouched down into a cat-like position, his ears sparkling and his tail waving back and forth.

Kanda looked down at him and his eyes widened but he sighed in defeat.

"Well… I guess I can't argue with that…"


End file.
